A Personal Note

I have spent the past two weeks dealing with an unexpected health crisis involving a relentless splitting headache, debilitating vision problems, several visits to various specialists (including an opthamologist and a neurologist), an MRI, and a lumbar puncture.  Thankfully, all of my doctors have been working as quickly as possible to rule out something extremely serious like a brain tumor, vasculitis, or a blood clot in my head.  At this point, the swelling on my optic nerve and the elevated spinal fluid levels point to a pseudotumor cerebri (basically a build-up of cerebrospinal fluid that mimics a brain tumor and puts pressure on the optic nerve), and I started taking medication based on that diagnosis last week.  I have already seen some improvement (particularly in reducing the pain when I shift my eyes), which is great.  I have another visit with my opthamologist tomorrow morning to go over my MRI and lumbar puncture results, and she also plans to do a visual field test so that we can monitor my improvement as my condition *hopefully* continues to improve.  

Vision is definitely something you don't fully appreciate until you suddenly begin to lose it.  Of course, all of my favorite hobbies (reading, working on the computer, gardening, genealogy, and sewing) are quite vision-dependent, so I know that I should actually just be thankful for all the blissful years of 20/20 'sparkle-free' vision that didn't hurt when I shifted my eyes up, left, or right.  And I am very lucky to have begun treatment before the vision in my right eye worsened to the degree that my left eye has.  I really haven't had too much difficulty with reading since it is up close and not off to the side (except when I was trying to limit my reading time because my doctor initially believed that the headache and eye pain could be related to eye strain and/or a tension headache), but the computer with its bright screen was initially more of a challenge.  I am ecstatic to report that looking at the computer seems to pose less and less of a challenge with each passing day.  Yay!  

For the past couple of weeks, I've felt uncertain about whether to discuss my health issues here on The Eager Readers because I didn't want to use this space to whine about my ailments.  Plus, I was very scared of receiving unbearably sad news after the MRI (i.e. brain tumor) and that whole concept was frightening to an immobilizing degree.  I couldn't really force myself to discuss that fear with anyone outside of my immediate family.  Basically, it has been an exceedingly scary and miserable two weeks, but I wanted to tell all of you how much I still appreciate having this forum to talk about books I adore with other book-lovers.  I was at my most stressed and panicked last week, right after my opthamologist first mentioned the possibilities of a brain tumor or pseudotumor and I overheard her on the phone with the radiology department at the hospital requesting an 'emergency MRI' that afternoon because she felt it was critical not to wait until the MRI appointment that my neurologist had already scheduled at a later date.  *insert panic here*  At first, I couldn't make myself focus on anything else to take my mind off the overwhelming amount of stress that hit me in that moment.  My headache seemed worse than ever, and I'd started taking three medications, each with upsetting side effects like nausea, fatigue, body aches, and numb/tingling hands and feet.  Blech.  Even if I hadn't been feeling physically wretched that day, hearing that the best-case scenario was one in which my condition may cause blindness? Not particularly ideal.

That was quickly shaping up to be among the most stressful days of my life until we came home from the MRI and my husband put City of Fallen Angels in my hands and asked me if I would continue reading it aloud to him.  Have I mentioned that I love that man more than words can express?  When I am overwhelmed by stress, he often knows just how to be the  perfect calm that I need.  What I needed most that day was normalcy, to immerse myself in a shared activity that was reassuringly familiar, and to feel like we would have a ton of tomorrows to spend reading aloud together just as we have for the past fifteen years.  As I read City of Fallen Angels aloud to my husband that day (and each time we were both free over the next three days), I found myself pleasantly distracted from my nervousness about test results, medical bills, and upcoming appointments.  Reading has been my escape of choice for as long as I can remember, and in the midst of all my anxiety it turned out to be the perfect stress-relief.  This time, it wasn't just because I loved immersing myself in an imaginative fictional world {Which I obviously did, Cassandra Clare's books are freaking phenomenal and so much fun to read aloud!}, but I also loved knowing that I'd get to sit down afterward and think about the whole book all over again in order to write the review here on the blog.  And I loved knowing that the book blogosphere is such a friendly, welcoming place to find other people who are just as passionate about books.  People who are probably just as eager to discuss what they loved or were tortured by in this latest installment of the MI series.  Fun!  I feel so fortunate to be part of a community like that.  So thanks and heartfelt hugs to all of you book-lovers out there!  :)

Also, I would give City of Fallen Angels 100 flowers out of 10 if I could because it was exactly what I needed, and I adored every minute of it despite physical discomfort and my potentially paralyzing anxiety level during some of the most nerve-wracking days of my life.  It seriously helped save my sanity when all signs were pointing toward a stress-induced meltdown.  Do you guys have a book like that?  A book that proved to be exactly what you needed to get you through a trying time?  I'd love to hear about it in the comments.  If my opthamologist doesn't keep me in town for another barrage of tests tomorrow or start me on a new medication that knocks me out, I plan to head up to see Cassandra Clare and Holly Black on tour tomorrow evening.  I'll be the one with a giant stack of books and a ridiculous fangirl smile whose husband will probably be by her side reminding her to take one of her medications every couple of hours.  Haha!  Can't wait!  :-)